A Fragile Immortality
June 18, 2009 Dear Diary, My name is Lacey Anne and I am an 18 year old senior(!) at NMHS Charter School. I work at Fred’s Diner, and this summer I get to work nights! I
get am getting my drivers license. I start drivers ed next week. I think I need to study for my SATs. Most seniors did theirs back in January, but I was new at school that month. But … SATs are for college. What school would will I go to? What would I go for?
I don’t know what I want to do! Mom always wanted me to do well and go to college. But I was only 8 then – we had a new dream every month! I learned what it would take to be a teacher, a nurse, a doctor, a lawyer, a principal, a CEO, an accountant, an actress. But all I’ve done is waitress.
I don’t know what to do. :(
What do I want?
June 21, 2009Dear Diary, Why can’t things ever stay the same?? I miss my mom. I miss Gabriel. I’m sad about all the funerals we went to today. Stupid dreams, killing people. I wish I could help, but the last person I tried to died the next day. I only helped when other people came along – when I told Potter and a real adult showed up, scared him off. Stupid wolves and traitors and them. Why don’t they just all go away! Can’t they just leave people with their families. Let them stay alive?! I know I’m going to die someday – but I don’t want it to be anytime soon. But going near the hedge is dangerous. So any door I pass could be a danger. I can’t live like that – afraid of doors. Of playground can I? Doors and hedges and playgrounds can be where things come back to – where people come BACK to life too. Even dolls get old and worn. And I know I’m getting old. I knew it before Niobe had to tell me I was. I’m a grownup. I’m not ready to be a grown up – paying bills, figuring out what to do with my life. I don’t even want to decide what’s for dinner! But I get to drive, and people like me, and boys want to get to know me better. I’m prettier than I was. It’s not that bad yet. I think I’m at that age that everyone should want to be – old enough to be grown up, but not old enough to be getting old. Wrinkly and hunched and white-haired and mind going and body failing and stuff.